Blast From The Past
Today, I decided to spend the night at my parent's house. As I was talking to Lindsey on my cell phone I walked by an open drawer and happened to look inside. By pure chance, something caught my eye! It was a set of 2 letters and a card. The letter on top said "to Lauren from Tiffy-Poo" so I thought I would look at it for old time's sake. But this blog is not about my letter from "Tiffy-Poo". Instead, it is about the letter that I found on the bottom. Actually, it was a set of three letters written by me to Lindsey and dated May 17, 18, and 22, 2005! 3 YEARS AGO!....when Lindsey and I were dating! I read the letters to her while sitting on the same bed I was sitting when I first wrote them, and in the same room as well! I never thought my life would turn out like this. I have everything I ever wanted and never could have. She is finally, freely, mine!
5/17/05
Hey Baby!
I just got back from my interview with Spartanburg Day School! My head AND my stomach hurt! But I think the interview went well. They're really nice there! jackie took me up there and brought me home. When i got back in the car I told her my mouoth hurt from fake smiling so much. one of the things they asked me to do was describe myself with 3 adjectives and tell why. And i was just wondering, you don't have to, but if you could pick 3 words to describe yourself what would you pick and why? And if you could pick 3 words for me same question? I'm just curious and want to see whta you say.
So, how are you? How is your life going? It really bothers me that we can't talk and I can't keep up to date on what's going on in your life. Don't worry, it's not your fault and I know it can't be helped. I just wish things had turned out differently. I want to know how you are doing. How work and family and friends are turning out. I'm not saying I want you to tell me everything you're doing because i want to check up on you... I just want to see how you are and make sure everything is going okay in your life. And I want to be able to help if it's not. Like that day we talked on the computer. I understand that you didn't want to think about whatever was wrong, but it still killed me that you didn't have time to tell me and that I couldn't help in any way. I just want everything in your life to be happy and ok, but I don't know how to do that right now with all of this going on.
I'm guessing by the time you get this letter you will have talked to Carrie. Right now, I'm still not completely sure what's going on. All I know isthis is the 2nd time Candice has done this to Carrie! And Danielle is really confused and she had NO idea they were engaged because Candice even made the comment she didn't have a ring on her finger. Oh and Kaycee cussed out Danielle. That's not cool at ALL in my book! And there is way too much going on for me to be grounded!
Well, i'm kinda really tired so I'm gonna go to bed for a little while but I just wanted to write while I had a chance. i'll write again later.
I Love You!
Lauren
5/18/05
Lindsey!
How are you? Things are going okay here in b-burg, besides me missing you terribly! I am so pitiful sometimes. today after church we stopped by Wal-Mart and we bought some milk and Daddy let Taylor and me go pick out some drinks so I was walking down the drink isle and one of the first drinks I saw was that orange drink you like (I don't remember the name) so I picked it up and bought it because I knew you like it! Geez! How sad am I? And no...It's not cute! It's pathetic! I miss you so much baby! You have no idea how much I really do. I think I've read through your most recent letter abut 10 times and that's only because I have to be extremely careful when reading it at home. And I'm smiling the whole time I'm reading it because you still manage to make me SO happy. I can't describe it and I can't explain why or how, all I know is I love it! It's the best feeling I've hadd in a long time and it isn't something I am willing to give up without a fight. I am going to win this... WE are going to win this. As long as you are willing to keep on at leasst a little longer I am also. You once wrote that you would fight dearly for me. i am morethan willing to fight dearly for you for as long as I have to. I won't let you donw Lindsey, and I could never mean to cause you pain. i'm sorry if I have in the past. I'm sure it isn't easy for you going thorough this. Sometimes i wonder why you would wnat to. Then i think about April 9th... it was around 4:50 a.m. That was the GREATEST moment ever! i was so excited and happy and nervous and every good feeling ther is in the world. The words "I love you" kept repeating over in my mind, along with "Is this real, can this really be happening, am I dreaming?" And somehow, by some miracle my lips were able to form the words "yes" and my voice slowly began to come back to me. And as I said that word i heard you sigh a relief and I wondered how you could have ever doubted.
Baby, you are so sweet and so precious to me. I dream of a day when I might be able to see you agin, see you freely. I dream of being with you, holding your hand, kissing you, reliving those wonderful times I remember being with you, and hopefully making new memories. I want that more than anything. I want to be with you more than anything. But until then, I am--somewhat impatiently--waiting. I love you, always.
Yours Truly,
Lauren
5/22/05
Hey Baby,
it's 1:13 a.m. right now (so actually this date's wrong) but I wanted to write to you. Today was conference and I had to do probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I saw you, morethan once actually before and after but it was worse after. I can't get the vision of you out of my head. It was so hard for me to walk by you and not say anything. I knew you were watching me but I also knew so were Daddy and Grandmama and probably 20 others. I wanted so badly to turn around and run up to you and hold on for dear life! But then what?
Don't get me wrong, though. I am glad you came. I really miss you and seeing you (even if it was a glance) was great. It's just knowing I couldn't do anything but glance that killed me. Did I look nervous? I hope not. I tried to hide it. I think I've gotten pretty good at hiding my feelings from people lately. Not exactly because I want to, but because it is best. I think it is best. I hope and pray that I am doing the right thing. Am I?
Well, I get the feeling I'm starting to sound depressing or something and I'm kinda confused right now so I'm gonna "try" and get some sleep. I'm not sure how well that will work. but i will talk to you again soon.
I love you!
Lauren
5/17/05
Hey Baby!
I just got back from my interview with Spartanburg Day School! My head AND my stomach hurt! But I think the interview went well. They're really nice there! jackie took me up there and brought me home. When i got back in the car I told her my mouoth hurt from fake smiling so much. one of the things they asked me to do was describe myself with 3 adjectives and tell why. And i was just wondering, you don't have to, but if you could pick 3 words to describe yourself what would you pick and why? And if you could pick 3 words for me same question? I'm just curious and want to see whta you say.
So, how are you? How is your life going? It really bothers me that we can't talk and I can't keep up to date on what's going on in your life. Don't worry, it's not your fault and I know it can't be helped. I just wish things had turned out differently. I want to know how you are doing. How work and family and friends are turning out. I'm not saying I want you to tell me everything you're doing because i want to check up on you... I just want to see how you are and make sure everything is going okay in your life. And I want to be able to help if it's not. Like that day we talked on the computer. I understand that you didn't want to think about whatever was wrong, but it still killed me that you didn't have time to tell me and that I couldn't help in any way. I just want everything in your life to be happy and ok, but I don't know how to do that right now with all of this going on.
I'm guessing by the time you get this letter you will have talked to Carrie. Right now, I'm still not completely sure what's going on. All I know isthis is the 2nd time Candice has done this to Carrie! And Danielle is really confused and she had NO idea they were engaged because Candice even made the comment she didn't have a ring on her finger. Oh and Kaycee cussed out Danielle. That's not cool at ALL in my book! And there is way too much going on for me to be grounded!
Well, i'm kinda really tired so I'm gonna go to bed for a little while but I just wanted to write while I had a chance. i'll write again later.
I Love You!
Lauren
5/18/05
Lindsey!
How are you? Things are going okay here in b-burg, besides me missing you terribly! I am so pitiful sometimes. today after church we stopped by Wal-Mart and we bought some milk and Daddy let Taylor and me go pick out some drinks so I was walking down the drink isle and one of the first drinks I saw was that orange drink you like (I don't remember the name) so I picked it up and bought it because I knew you like it! Geez! How sad am I? And no...It's not cute! It's pathetic! I miss you so much baby! You have no idea how much I really do. I think I've read through your most recent letter abut 10 times and that's only because I have to be extremely careful when reading it at home. And I'm smiling the whole time I'm reading it because you still manage to make me SO happy. I can't describe it and I can't explain why or how, all I know is I love it! It's the best feeling I've hadd in a long time and it isn't something I am willing to give up without a fight. I am going to win this... WE are going to win this. As long as you are willing to keep on at leasst a little longer I am also. You once wrote that you would fight dearly for me. i am morethan willing to fight dearly for you for as long as I have to. I won't let you donw Lindsey, and I could never mean to cause you pain. i'm sorry if I have in the past. I'm sure it isn't easy for you going thorough this. Sometimes i wonder why you would wnat to. Then i think about April 9th... it was around 4:50 a.m. That was the GREATEST moment ever! i was so excited and happy and nervous and every good feeling ther is in the world. The words "I love you" kept repeating over in my mind, along with "Is this real, can this really be happening, am I dreaming?" And somehow, by some miracle my lips were able to form the words "yes" and my voice slowly began to come back to me. And as I said that word i heard you sigh a relief and I wondered how you could have ever doubted.
Baby, you are so sweet and so precious to me. I dream of a day when I might be able to see you agin, see you freely. I dream of being with you, holding your hand, kissing you, reliving those wonderful times I remember being with you, and hopefully making new memories. I want that more than anything. I want to be with you more than anything. But until then, I am--somewhat impatiently--waiting. I love you, always.
Yours Truly,
Lauren
5/22/05
Hey Baby,
it's 1:13 a.m. right now (so actually this date's wrong) but I wanted to write to you. Today was conference and I had to do probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I saw you, morethan once actually before and after but it was worse after. I can't get the vision of you out of my head. It was so hard for me to walk by you and not say anything. I knew you were watching me but I also knew so were Daddy and Grandmama and probably 20 others. I wanted so badly to turn around and run up to you and hold on for dear life! But then what?
Don't get me wrong, though. I am glad you came. I really miss you and seeing you (even if it was a glance) was great. It's just knowing I couldn't do anything but glance that killed me. Did I look nervous? I hope not. I tried to hide it. I think I've gotten pretty good at hiding my feelings from people lately. Not exactly because I want to, but because it is best. I think it is best. I hope and pray that I am doing the right thing. Am I?
Well, I get the feeling I'm starting to sound depressing or something and I'm kinda confused right now so I'm gonna "try" and get some sleep. I'm not sure how well that will work. but i will talk to you again soon.
I love you!
Lauren
posted by Lauren at 12:42 AM
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