Open Relationship...Then What???

Well, it's been quite a while since I've had a chance to even think about writing anything on here anymore. With school, and it being near the holidays, and basketball starting, and other things at church I've had no time to write anything from letters to blogs. I'm not sure exactly where I left off so what I've decided to do for this blog is pick a spot and role with it, and from what I rememeber things started getting interesting the day Kaycee made me break up with Josh for her. Kaycee was upset. Josh wasn't. That's pretty much all for that part of the story. But, their is another part.
See, Josh and I have known each other for over a year. He really is one of my best friends. And he TELLS me I'm his best friend. Coming from just anyone, I wouldn't take that too seriously, but Josh doesn't say things like that unless he means them. Well, after they broke up, Josh and I figured it wouldn't matter if we started talking because we wouldn't have to worry about Kaycee. So we started talking. I REALLY missed Josh. Well, he started being super sweet. I forgot to mention this, but Josh and I have been "together" before. It was me 1st, then my friend Custie, then Kaycee, and now we're "talking" again. (I guess I can call it that.) Well here are some examples of the sweet things Josh and I have talked about. (Some aren't really sweet, just...somethings I would not expect him to say without having thought about them before...which makes it sweet.) :
I think the best way to start off is with this...which is exactly what he said word for word...I asked him too describe me and he said "There's too many good things to name". Then I told him, Okay, pick the top three. Of course, he wasn't wanting to tell me, but I got it out of him, this is what he said. "You're so beautiful. You're the one person I would never get over, and I would cry like a baby if anything ever happened to you. You are everything I want. I love you."
Another sweet, but strange conversation we had is, well, I "asked him to marry me" and he said okay. So now we're "engaged". Even though we don't date yet. ("yet" refers to a possibiliy)
We also picked out names for kids...it sounds funny, but I do like the names. Seth, for a guy. and Skyler(shortened Skye) for a girl.
Okay so that's some of the things about Josh, but that's only the beginning. Lindsey hasn't come in the story yet, and as almost everything I do involes around or has something to do with her, it should have been expected that she would come up.
So, I had been wondering and thinking for a while about mine and Lindsey's relationship, and thinking if possibly we should go on a break or something. Talking to Josh gave me a reason and a push. When I got the chance--and the will power--I talked to her about how she thought things were going between us, and she said she could see how things would be easier on me if we had something called an "open relationship". From my understanding, that's where you're still together technically, but you can go and do and talk and stuff without feeling guilty or restricted. And we decided we would try it. And now I'm in an open relationship. After 7 months....I'm in an open relationship. And those two words have been running through my mind non-stop for the past two weeks. I'm not sure if this is what I want. I'm not sure at all. And if it isn't, then I don't know what I DO want anyway. I don't know how I can tell. I like to think everything will be wonderful by the end of the day, but I'm beginning to wonder if anything will ever be right, even up until the very end. Sometimes I wish the end would come sooner rather than later. But that thought scares me, because it brings along with it another thought. After the end.......then what?